Meet the Parents (joke)

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack, because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to him, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

thats great!

i got one:

whats the similarity between pork pies and pensioners pussies?


you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the real meat...

Bob wrote:

thats great!

i got one:

whats the similarity between pork pies and pensioners pussies?


you have to bite off the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the real meat...

Ummm What's a pork pie? ... ...

sorry i forgot your not British...

it looks like this:

sorry that was the bbc being stupid

Bob wrote:

sorry i forgot your not British...

it looks like this:

Excuse me for a minute...


Ok better now...So that pork in a bread type crust?

yeah i didn't say it was good...

Looks mushy...is that cooked?

i dunno but it makes the joke better

Yeah it does btw...LOL now that I know what it is.

Sorry didn't mean to kill the joke...my bad

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers.">> He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30> minutes.>> The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a> baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.>> "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?>> "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to > go up> there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the> bear> falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.> The> bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in theback> of> the van.">> He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.>> "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.>> "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

LOL....never heard that one.

yeah thats a good one!

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
yanks down her panties and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick
with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm
and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it before!"