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 How to give a cat a pill

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th3_void
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PostSubject: How to give a cat a pill   Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:16 am

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up kitty and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of kitty's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the kitty opens mouth, pop pill into its mouth. Allow kitty to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom & throw soggy pill away.



4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open & push pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.



5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws Ignore low growls emitted by cat.

Get spouse to hold head firmly
with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve feline from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap feline in large towel and get spouse to lie on feline with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.

Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap.



10. Retrieve feline from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place feline in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid damn cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.



13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.


Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filetsteak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.



14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.


2. Toss it in the air.

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Nate
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:11 pm

LOL this is so awesome.

Its totally true too...if you own a cat or God forbid, cats Neutral ...this is not far from the real thing lmao

What makes cats so much more sophisticated than dogs..

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th3_void
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:50 pm

Yeah, but so much less loyal... besides, the pill is good for the cat, yet the cat rejects it. a dog takes the pill because it trusts its master, and it is for the better.

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:10 pm

CATS RULE!!!!

lol!

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:37 am

Gee, the amount of times I've had to hold the cat just to give it Pills! I'm doing it for the cat's sake, but the cat just won't listen and ends up scratching me. Gah, unthankfull cat!
My cats are cute though Razz
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:13 pm

I have 4 of them sort of...

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Nate
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:25 pm

I have 2. Both on the opposite ends of the spectrum...one is 18 years and the other is 10 months.

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:02 pm

One cat is 8 and the other is 3
Good lord, 18years is old for for a cat! What's your secret for cat's old age?
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:26 am

Lol. We feed her the best food. I don't skimp around and get her cheap crap. Purina cat food is pretty much the best food around, at least here. She loves to drink water, and we keep plenty out all the time. That, and tons of love. This cat has a mind of its own. After 18 years, she KNOWS what's up. She knows words and sounds. Not to mention she can be extremely stubborn...

She's actually my girlfriend's cat but we've been seeing each other for almost 2 years now. We live together and we would have 2 German Shepards if it wasn't for our crap apartment building..another story for another thread lol

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:38 pm

We feed our cat Katkins, or something like that. It's like good stuff, the cat's a scav and will try and steal anything. He'll even nip your Yogurt. Damn my youngest cat's curiosity. Mind you, he should be carefull, after all - Curiosity killed the cat - didn't it?
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:27 pm

Sometimes I wish it would lol

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:19 am

Nate = evil! XD
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:36 pm

Haha!

Bad nate!!!

If I could edit your post I would lol!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. i hated cats until I lived with 4 of them for a couple months...

They start to warm up to you and they become really good friends...They are a lot more like people in the fact that you can't make them into a companion...It has to be on their terms.

Sad

I'm sorry! Its just such a beautiful truth!!!!

lol!
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:39 pm

Better like my cats!

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:45 pm

SHUT UP AND GET OFFLINE WHILE YOUR AT WORK!!!

Lol.

Lazy jerk!

Suspect

Shouldn't you be pretending to work or something?

Lol...
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:47 pm

I am working...I'm a mod Twisted Evil

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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Sat Aug 23, 2008 10:49 pm

Lmao!!!

Is that in your resume?
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PostSubject: Re: How to give a cat a pill   Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:20 am

It is ...I added it. I left them Nate's name and number as a reference.

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